david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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