I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
