y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
