He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
