it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
