why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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