dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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