Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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