can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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