I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
