I need help removing her.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
