my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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