am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
