I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
