he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
