I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
