saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
