my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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