She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
