If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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