If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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