you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
