i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
