Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
