i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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