I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize