So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
