If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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