i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
