Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
