two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
