I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
