Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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