Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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