Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
