i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You brought string cheese to the strip club
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
