gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
