its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
