Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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