My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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