why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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