Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize