the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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