i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize