i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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