Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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