I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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