the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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