What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
