This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
