Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
