I'm going to jail i love you
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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