He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
