brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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