just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
