I'm eating all of the evidence.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
