my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize