Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
