May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize