We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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