i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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