i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
