so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
