Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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